Homesickness: Not Contagious

A mind-boggler to me is how Peace Corps volunteers suffer from homesickness. It's not like we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. 27 months, in a poor country, alone in a small community. Are we naive? Are we too proud? Or are we simply human?

Well, I don't know the answer because I've never been homesick during my Peace Corps service. Actually, never in my life. Weird.

I mean, what is "homesick"? Crying for your king sized bed with the down feather mattress top back home? Or wishing you could be at your best friend's birthday party? I'm probably the completely wrong person to be commenting on an illness I've never had, but I feel it's necessary to give the other side of the story. How it feels for the people who feel sick when they have to go "home".

Is it my fault that I haven't caught this sad disease? That I kept myself healthy with an open mind to my surroundings and new experiences? No, I think when it really comes down to it, some of us are meant for a life abroad and others are meant to just barely survive it. And that's ok.

But please, take it easy on us who suffer from reverse-homesickness. Don't cry and beg us to come home; don't you realize how much we will suffer? Don't spend 30 minutes telling us all about what's going on in American politics; we don't care. And please, above all, be accepting when we fall in love with a foreigner; no, they don't speak much English but neither do we anymore!

September Birthdays

Well, today is the first of September and the beginning of a month llena (full) of birthdays for me. Is it like that for you too? Or is it just my family that consistently gets knocked up around New Years?

Maybe it's not a matter of getting knocked up. Maybe responsible married adults get excited at the beginning of the year and are full of so much love that they decide to bring another into the mix. I mean, people do that, right?

Well whatever is in the air, my family caught it and that calls for CELEBRATION! Except if you're a Strawn (because they're boring and conservative) and if you're from the comarca (indian reservation) (like my better half, because they're poor and birthdays are about the last thing they are going to save money for to celebrate). So where does that leave me? I can't let all these cherished persons pass their day of birth without some sort of special acknowledgment. I'm Mary Beth for heaven's sake. It just wouldn't be natural.

Now, it would be a lie of I told you money wasn't an issue for me. After all, I am a Peace Corps volunteer. We are poor. It would also be a lie if I told you that all of these birthday-holders lived close to me. Some don't even live in the same country. Well shit.

So I'm going to have to pull out my handy dandy creative thinking skills (they sure don't teach you those in Panamanian schools!). Instead of buying a cake for one birthday-holder, maybe I'll buy one to be shared among four birthday-holders. Instead of throwing confetti and balloons on one surprised birthday-holder, three will get showered in sparkles. Instead of singing happy birthday to one special birthday holder, two will receive the happy wishes over Skype. It's never too late to learn how to share.

But let me tell you something really sad. It's the truth that here, in poverty, they don't celebrate birthdays. It's not because they don't want to or they don't care or their religion is against it. It's because they can't. They have between 4 and 8 kids. They barely live off welfare. There are no other sources of income in our community for the women, actual or potential.

But you know what I've seen a few of them do? Turn ordinary things into something special for their children on their birthdays. They'll save that special day to eat rice and hot dogs instead of the next day. They'll let them get dressed in a special dress usually reserved for church. They'll make a special chagra (shoulder bag) to carry stones for their child's slingshot.

Isn't that really what a birthday is? An extra dose of special to remind that person that they are loved and wanted. Life beats us up and these reminders are key. It's not really necessary to go full tilt and celebrate a birthday-week or spend $500 on a new electronic or even $50 on a nice dinner. Be wary of how you throw around your money. What are you trying to say that you can't say with your lips?

So while I'm at it, I want to make a famous (smile you're on camera!) birthday shout-out to all of my friends and family cumpliendo in September: Mom, Dad, Oduber, Choncho, Chupi, Olmedo, Luna, Lili, Doli, Edelkis, Negrito, Chicki, Chichi Feo, Manchu, Pipi. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU ARE LOVED!

Mom and Dad

Oduber and his brother Olmedo

Negrito (Samir)

Pipi (Yuli)

Doli (Audrey)

Stories from Panama

I love to use my blog to write memories of crazy things that I have witnessed during my Peace Corps experience. Therefore, this entry will be filled with stories from the past 6 months. Enjoy!

Getting the Cat Fixed

Reese

In America, it is very common for the owner of a cat to have them spayed or neutered. In fact, I don’t recall ever seeing a male cat with testicles or a pregnant female cat while I was growing up. In Panama, it costs $45 to have your female cat spayed. Shoot, that’s totally worth it in my opinion after having gone through two litters in only 4 months. However, what I did not factor into the price was the cost of hauling my cat on a boat for two hours, a bus for two hours, staying in a house with another female cat, and then doing the bus and the boat again to come back to the community. Lord have mercy.

So I started this trip with high hopes. I was advised to put the cat in a sack rather than a box. That was definitely bad advice, which I realized as I was getting on the boat. In other words, TOO LATE. The cat clawed through the little holes I had cut and began sticking her head through the enlarged hole. Well next thing you know there are large holes all throughout the bag and it might as well be ripped to shreds.

The boat that arrives to pick us up is packed and the only seat is in the very front in between two kids and tons of luggage. This wouldn’t have been the end of the world, except for the fact that the boat driver decided to go way too fast in the rough ocean sending the boat crashing down after it crested each wave. Mother f*****. No, it’s fine, I don’t need this back bone or my tail bone either. Miraculously the cat clung on for dear life in my lap and didn’t try to escape too often.

After a miserable 2 hours, we arrive on the mainland. I immediately hail a taxi to be taken to the bus station. It’s only a 10 minute ride, but the cat had never been in a car before so I was worried she was going to freak out. What I didn’t take into account was the fact that we got into a nicer and newer cab and my cat was shedding white hairs onto his black cloth interior like she had just been shaved bald. Well, once the cat hair was significantly covering the back seat and floating through the wind-blown air to the front seat, the taxi driver called it quits. He stopped on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere half-way to the bus station and told me to just get out. I tried to pay but he said just go and then sped off.

About 5 minutes later, an old truck taxi pulls up and we get in. I kind of hide the cat on the floor, hoping the taxi driver won’t notice. Thankfully, he didn’t care too much and the cat didn’t shed as much hair being on the floor board.

From the bus station we hailed a coaster bus full of people headed to the city. I had an aisle seat right by the door so everyone who entered saw me holding my stressed kitty cat. She behaved pretty well on the bus actually.

We arrive in the city and I hail a cab and ask to be taken to a vet. He takes me quite a ways away from the city center but it looks like a pretty legit vet. I walk up and a lady greets me outside. The “waiting area” is outside on a covered porch. The vet building appears to be a renovated house. She brings me a cat carrier to guard my cat better. Then she tells me that the doctor isn’t here and she doesn’t know exactly when he will return. She doesn’t know what it will cost to have her spayed. And why didn’t I call earlier to schedule an appointment? Alright, throw me a bone here. I woke up before the butt crack of dawn, traveled from super far with a loco cat, and I haven’t eaten all day. We eventually get on the same terms and she calls the doctor and tells him to hurry back so he can do this surgery for me today. I leave my poor kitty in her care and pray that she makes it back to me safely.

Later that night at about 8pm, I walk back to the house where I’m staying after running errands all day long. I follow a white commercial van to the house and realize that it’s a vet van when we both stop at the house at the same time. OMG! What amazing timing. He gives me my kitty and I give him the cash and we part. Not sketchy at all, no. 

I was so happy to have her back and to know that she was ok! But she was not quite so excited to see me. She was squalling from fright being in a new place. The female cat that inhibited the house was also not at all happy to meet her. Luckily there was a dog crate at the house so I put her in that to keep her and the house cat from fighting. Well that didn’t really work because they still hissed and fought. So then I put the crate in a bedroom and shut the door. That helped keep them from fighting.

But when it came time to sleep, my kitty began squalling again from fright of the unknown place. It’s one thing to bother the owner’s sleep (me), but unfortunately 4 other people inhabited the house as well. I can’t let her disrupt all of us all night long. So at about 2am, I took her out of her crate and we sat outside on the front porch to calm her down. I tied her up to a post and she calmed down after the first hour. I went inside and slept for maybe an hour until she started making a racket again. Then I went back out to her and stayed until the sun rose.

The trip back home was much easier than the trip to the city. While we were waiting for the boat, I didn’t know what to do with the cat. I felt bad tying her up to a post and leaving her on the dock, possibly to fall off and drown herself. So I let her wonder around the back of a packaged food merchant with the rope still around her neck, just in case she tried to run away. The guy who owns this store is great and trusts me so the cat and I just roamed around for about an hour. Curiosity didn’t kill my cat this time, but she was into every nook and cranny. Curiosity should have killed her.

When we got back to the community, everyone was asking about our trip. Mainly, how much did the surgery cost? Only $45. WHAT?! Good God you are crazy for paying that much money for nothing!

Ok, maybe they didn’t come out and say that, but I know it’s what they were thinking. They don’t understand the benefit that I see in getting my female cat fixed. And they never will because they still tease me 6 months later. 

Eating Habits

If someone tries to tell you that your eating habits will not change when you move to a new country, they are a liar. I thought I would be able to keep up with my healthy diet, but that immediately went downhill the moment I was served fried plantains for breakfast 4 days in a row. Oh and lunch was a huge bowl full of white rice and fried chicken. And I think dinner was rice and beans. 

When I moved into my own house, I tried desperately to get back to my old habits. There is only so much you can do when living with host families, but now I had the ball in my hands. I ate lots of oatmeal and canned vegetables and tuna and homemade tortillas for about 2 months. And then I realized that I was completely broke every month from spending so much money on this "healthy imported" food. I started bringing less and less home from the big city as the months pasted...

And now here I am a year after moving into my own house. The only thing I bring in from the big city is what my mama ships me from the states (mainly dried fruit, nuts, granola). I don't waste a single dime on whole wheat pasta and canned peas. I eat oatmeal with raisins, rice and beans, starchy vegetables from the finca like yucca and others similar to potatoes, and some fresh fish and chicken every now and then. Oh yeah, and I like to fry up plantains, green bananas, and bread. 

Now when I try to eat regular American food like pizza or pretzels or ice cream it hurts my stomach. But I still feel relatively healthy. I weigh the same and look the same. So what if I'm substituting leafy greens for green bananas? They're free for heaven's sake!

I've actually added a few really good delicacies to my diet. Some might object to eating a few of these, but look I didn't actually kill the thing. And it would have been thrown away if I didn't eat it. So onto the good stuff. I have a friend that loves to hunt in the finca (farm in the jungle). He goes with his dogs and always manages to catch some interesting prey. Usually he brings home birds and squirrels (which they cook and feed to the dogs primarily) but one day he brought home an iguana! It was similar to chicken and it was really good. I also ate wild rabbit that he caught. The other oddity is sea turtle. It's quite popular out here. I've only had it twice and I must say that it tastes really good, like cow meat. 

But a few things that I can't bring myself to chow down on is chicken feet, chicken neck, and sardines. Not quite a campo girl just yet...

Projects Underway in Panama

I hope this new year has started off well for you and your family. The new year has brought a leap in motivation within my community, of which I am very appreciative. Personally, I feel well equipped and mentally prepared to lead my community forward in their efforts to improve their own lives. This is not always an easy stage to arrive at in a completely different culture! So for me, it is an accomplishment as I stumble into this new year.

Since I last updated you in September, disappointingly not much has progressed work-wise. I took about two weeks out for vacation in October; November and December are full of Panamanian holidays, graduations, school vacation, and relentless other reasons to relax in the house instead of being productive (rainy weather, clearly a big determent). Welcome to life on the Panamanian Caribbean coast!

Now that the weather is clearing up and school will be starting in a few weeks, my community is beginning to wake up from their winter hibernation. I had a really good meeting with my women’s Artisan Group last week; they are finally getting over their embarrassment and have asked me to help them reorganize the group and plow forward to find new markets to sell their unique jewelry made from coconut shell. This has been a year in the making, so obviously I am very excited that they trust me enough to delve into the intricate drama-filled group dynamics.

Also with the start of the new year, I will be working with the students in grades 6, 7, 8, and 9. I will be teaching Junior Achievement classes to the 6^th and 8^th graders. Junior Achievement is an organization from the United States that teaches kids from grades K-12th about the world of business and economics. A fellow volunteer and I will be teaching Life Skills classes to the 7^th and 9^th graders. Through a Peace Corps developed program called “Vida Sana, Pueblo Sano”, we will teach topics such as sex education, HIV and STD prevention, how to make good decisions, and short-term and long-term goals.

My Girl Scout classes were put on hold during the school vacation months because about half of my girls left the community to spend vacation with their mothers who live in more urban communities in Panama (they are raised in Cayo Paloma by their aunts and grandparents). These will start again full swing when school starts and everyone returns. We cover a wide range of topics such as sex education, environmental education, how to make good decisions, self-esteem, leadership, and English.

As work is progressing slowly in my community, my neighboring volunteer (20 minutes walk) has taken the bull by the horns. His community is in desperate need of a clean potable water source. They live in a community populated with cows and without latrines; This is a sure disaster for a clean water source. Charles Walker (the volunteer) has worked tremendously to develop and train a Water Committee of 5 people who will eventually continue to manage the community’s water and lead the community in efforts to keep the water clean long after Charles has finished his Peace Corps service. Charles and the Water Committee have found a new clean source of water outside of the community and they have mapped out a plan to build an aqueduct and water system to bring the water to the community. This project is still lacking in funding. Please consider donating to Charles’ essential clean water project: https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=525-173

That’s all for me folks! Please pray for me during these last 8 months of work within my beautiful community of Cayo Paloma; that we will be able to work efficiently to complete the projects we have started and also for new opportunities for artisan goods markets.

Truly Home in Panama

A big hello from Panama! It's incredible that a year has gone by since I arrived in Panama. It's rare that we have opportunities like this to look back on a year affected by so much change. Maybe only once or twice in a lifetime will one make such a drastic change. I am thankful for this opportunity to reflect on how God has grown me during my time in Panama so far.

 

As I mentioned in my previous posts, I absolutely love Panama and my small community. That love has only grown deeper over the past 6 months. I have been very well accepted into the community, which is a goal every Peace Corps volunteer hopes to achieve. Because we need to work "hombro a hombro" (shoulder to shoulder) with our community members, we rely on trust and respect to achieve our work goals.

 

After 9 months living in my community, my primary and secondary projects have sorted themselves out. Generally, my 2 primary projects are:

1. Creating employment and increasing the income of community members, primarily for men in the community.
2. Teaching life skills and mentoring the young girls.

For the first project, a group of motivated community members has started planting crops not traditionally grown in the area where we live. We are growing tomato, cabbage, carrot, squash, watermelon, cantalope and corn and we hope to expand this variety as we acquire more seed. Additionally, we are growing everything organically and using organic compost as well. By growing these products here on our land, we are able to create a new market among the communities around us. None of these fruits and vegetables are available to these communities because of our very far location from central commerce. Therefore, we believe that we will be able to create a new market and this will create a very stable income source for the group.

 

I am working on the second project by holding Girl Scout meetings once a week for a group of 10 girls between the ages of 5 and 11. Also, me and another Peace Corps volunteer (who lives in a neighboring community 20 minutes away) are teaching life skills classes to a group of 7th graders. This includes everything from learning how to communicate effectively to sex education.

 

My list of secondary projects never seems to end! Currently I am teaching English to the elementary school teachers, building more efficient stoves for the community (uses less firewood and produces less smoke), and working on various projects with the women such as Cooking/Nutrition classes, participating in a Peace Corps Business Plan Seminar to learn how to run their small convenience store better (large group of women who own it), and participating in a Peace Corps Artisan Seminar to learn how to better market the beautiful jewelry they make out of coconut shells and shells from our beach.

 

Of course challenges always come with any project. My Spanish has significantly improved over these past few months, but I still have a lot to learn and improve. Two of the biggest challenges that I have had to face are receiving support from Panamanian government agencies on community projects and also motivating community members to work with me on the Organic Agriculture initiative. We are seeking help and funding from other resources for our Organic Agriculture project. I have learned that I can only do so much to motivate community members, so I am working with those who want to work with me, even though it is not everyone from the community.

 

Now that I am very familiar with my community and their needs, I have a list of items that we would love to receive as donations. Many of you have asked, "How can I help your community?" I finally have an answer for you! 

 

Some of you have the ability to donate a large quantity of medical supplies or school supplies. Specifically, my community would appreciate:

• toothbrushes and other dental hygiene items
• condoms
• reading glasses
• pencils, pens, notebooks (school supplies)

Other items that you might find in your home to donate which my community would greatly benefit from (your trash is our treasure!):

• beads or other jewelry-making supplies
• needles for sewing
• magazines (to be used for making jewelry)
• lightly-worn clothes (both sexes, all ages)
• children's books or games/toys for kids

Please contact me by email (mbstrawn at gmail.com) if you are planning on sending a material donation and I will give you further instructions. Thank you thank you thank you!

 

May God bless you and your family. Thank you for your prayers and continued support.

Typical Day

A phrase that I heard over and over in Peace Corps Training was, "It depends." Us aspirantes (trainees) were so curious about everything - our new job in international community development, Panamanian culture, new languages, our soon-to-be assigned communities - that we were constantly asking our boss and trainer questions to satiate our desire for knowledge and information. Almost every single answer we received began with, "It depends." That phrase turned into a running joke throughout training as we  began to use it in unrelated areas (example: "May I go to the bathroom?", "It depends."). And by the end of training, we were answering each other's and our own questions, knowing the answer would be, "It depends."

I share that memory with you because it affects much of the topic of this blog entry - My Typical Day. I decided to write about this because I know many of my readers are curious about daily life as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Panama. They can imagine that my life is completely different than their lives in the United States, but I wanted to share a more complete picture of really how different "different" is. Though Panama is relatively modernized compared to the world, it really is another world here. I'm reminded of this comparison as I sit here in my hammock and write this by candlelight at 7:15 on a Friday night. A man walks by my house (located centrally in the community) and yells the typical Panamanian call (Ahuuuu!) which sends some other muchachos (young men) doing the same. My vecina (woman neighbor) is laughing the typical shrill immature laugh that all the women have here. There's a chichi (baby) crying, a planta (generator) humming, and crickets starting to sing their dusk-time lullabies. I feel like I should start singing and dancing around to add to the nightly commotion! What are your nightly experiences? In a peaceful home or apartment maybe with the television on in the background with the news on. You might hear a car pass by. Maybe you can hear the cricket's song too.

But I'm getting off topic. My objective is to share with you a typical day. Well, it depends. Life in a living, dependent community changes often day to day. Not drastically, but enough to give you 7 completely different days in one week (mainly for the men, women's days are more mundane with everyday household chores that they are responsible for). Because of my work, my days are more flexible like the men's. As an example, here are a few of the major things that might fill my week (the time listed is per day): trip to a nearby community by walking (generally takes 5 hours roundtrip), watching my community baseball team play in a game nearby (4-6 hours), teaching a class or holding a meeting (2-4 hours), visiting with families (2-4 hours), preparing for meetings or classes (4-5 hours), giving attention to the kids who come to play at my house (2-3 hours). The activity that I do the most often is prepare for meetings and classes. Therefore, I will use this as the detailed example of a typical day in my life.

Warning: Some of these details may be a little graphic, but I want you to have the whole picture. And remember, I'm a Peace Corps Volunteer and boy haven't we seen it all.

• 6:30am - Crawl out of my mosquito net and hop off my makeshift bed of an inflated sleeping pad on top of a foam sleeping mat (raised by a wooden platform about 3 feet off the ground so that I can store things underneath). Pee in my pee cup (yes, wiping with toilet paper). Dump the pee out the window to the grass. Bucket bathe inside my house (walls and floor made of wood, built on posts) (yes, I use soap). Wrap around a towel, open the window to my sink and greet the morning. I wash my hair in my sink about every other day. My sink is a sheet of zinc and a faucet.
• 7am - Brush my teeth at the sink either with running water that comes to my sink or using a cup filled with reserve water if there's none coming out of the faucet (yes, I use a toothbrush and Colgate). Wash my face (yes, using soap and getting water from the same place I brushed my teeth). Wash my clothes from yesterday, usually just my underwear because I don't get too dirty from a typical day and there's no sense in washing clothes that aren't visibly dirty or don't smell bad. I wet the article of clothing in my sink, do a prescrub with my laundry scrub brush, pour on some powdered laundry detergent, scrub the clothing on all sides (only outside), rinse. Hang to dry on a line inside my house or on my porch if it's not raining. I only wash clothes when there is water in the faucet; too difficult to do it out of a bucket in my opinion. During our drier days, my water is typically on from 7am-8am, maybe around 10am for 30 minutes, and from 7:30pm-9pm.
• 7:30am - I get dressed, usually t-shirt and comfortable shorts. It's breakfast time. My cat gets cat food which I keep in a big plastic ice cream container with a tight lid. My breakfast is cereal. In a different ice cream container I pull out my powdered milk, Nestle Fitness Whole Grain Cereal, and a bag of Craisins from the US (thanks Mom!). After eating, I wash my plastic bowl and silver spoon using soap and an old (clean) sock that is now my dish rag. Put my breakfast items back in their tightly-sealed bin to keep the cockroaches out.
• 8am - I spend about an hour praying and doing devotionals and bible studies. Sometimes I stretch that out to two hours. I either sit in my hammock and pull up a stool to act as a table or I sit normally at my table. Usually during this time my body is ready to go #2. I chose to use the "composting bucket method" for my latrine. My house is not located in a convenient spot to build a pit latrine (I'm on flat ground near a stream) and I don't have enough money to build a composting latrine ($200). The bucket method is compost in a bucket. It's a 5 gallon plastic bucket with a tight-fitting lid. I put a piece of wood on the top to act as a seat. Cover the poop with dry wood shavings. I also put food scraps in my compost such as banana peels. It fills up in about a month and I take it to my neighboring Peace Corps Volunteer to dump in his compost pile. He's a 30 minute walk down the beach.
• 10am-12pm - Preparation time. I have lots of meetings during the week where I am the teacher or facilitator. Therefore, I have to be well prepared well ahead of time to make sure everything runs smoothly. My typical weekly meetings are English classes and Muchachas Guias (Girls Scouts). About once a month I meet with the Organic Agriculture group. Also once a month I host a Cooking/Nutrition class for the women. My projects are gradually increasing in number so I'm finding that I need to schedule my days even more rigidly in order to be prepared for everything.
• 12pm - Lunch time or more properly called nibble time. I'll munch on fruit, granola bar, nuts. I usually don't actually cook anything at lunch. I'll take about an hour to eat and read my book. 
• 1pm-3pm - This is a free-for-all. Either I prepare more, read more, write, clean the house, play with the kids (I usually open up my house for people to come and visit), plan projects, etc.
• 4pm-5pm - The sun starts going down and people are returning from the finca (farm). I like to make my visits to families in the community or sit at the local store where people gather to catch the latest gossip and share opinions. Sometimes I just sit and listen to them speak their indiginous language for 30 minutes. It's being there that counts, even though I couldn't understand anything!
• 5pm - Dinner time. My staples are rice and beans, spaghetti, mixed veggies, "hummus and naan" campo-style (country-style), soup. I have a two-burner stove that runs on propane. Most of my food I buy canned but I'm trying to move away from this. Soon I will have my own garden!
• 6pm-7pm - Before the sun goes down, I like to sit on my porch and read in the waning light of the sunset. The kids usually play baseball or jump rope right outside my house.
• 7pm-9pm - I move inside to escape the mosquitos. During these hours, I continue reading, study my bible, listen to sermons on my iPod, and/or workout by dancing or imitating a work-out video in my house. All this is done by candlelight.
• 9pm - Bedtime. Brush my teeth, wash my face, put on my PJs. Hop onto my bed, crawl under my mosquito net onto my double-thick sleeping pad. On nights where it doesn't rain, the warmth of the air settles in and makes it difficult to sleep. I always welcome the loud rain against my zinc roof and the cool breezes that it brings.
• It's rare for me to sleep through a whole night. I usually wake up at least once to pee. I almost always wake up around 12am-1am and toss and turn for a little while. I'm hoping that getting a real bed will solve this annoyance.

It's a few days later and I'm reviewing what I've written. I'm reminded again of how varied my days are. The weather really affects my schedule. If it is dry out, I almost always take a walk/run on the beach and try to play volleyball or soccer or baseball or swim in the ocean with the kids/teenagers to take advantage of the good weather. Because when it rains, it pours and no one wants to do anything outdoors. The cool breeze comes in and encourages you to sit inside all day drinking hot tea. Also, weekends are typically more active because all the high school-aged kids are home for the weekend and people seem to work less and take more time to visit one another.

Misunderstandings

A common problem among development workers all over the world is misunderstandings between the outside workers and the native people being helped. These misunderstandings take many forms, such as: language barriers, misinterpretation of a problem, forcing an outside solution that may be unnecessary, explaining concepts that are above the native's level of reasoning, ineffectively working with the illiterate, and disrespecting a people because of ignorance of their cultural norms and values. Though I have already experienced multiple of these types of misunderstandings, my greatest number have involved language barriers.

The community I live in speaks 2 main languages: Spanish and Ngobere. I state these as both main languages because almost every single person knows both languages well enough to carry on an intermediate-level conversation (some of the older women can only carry on a basic-level conversation in Spanish). Also, both of these languages are used everyday; it is not as if the people have the knowledge of one language but rarely use it. Additionally, the Spanish spoken in my community is often "relaxed" meaning they have heavily adopted the Caribbean Spanish habit of dropping the ending "s" on the "tu" and "nosotros" conjugations of verbs (ex. "tu va" and "vamo"). The other adaptation that is very prevalent is the use of "ao" instead of the full "ado" on the endings of words (ex. "pescao" instead of "pescado", "cuidao" instead of "cuidado").

Since entering the community, my language learning has been relatively slow. In my defense, I was basically learning a whole new way of life, diet, people, climate, and still trying to perform my new job as a development worker observing the communiy and learning about their problems. Then add on top of that learning 2 basically new languages. Needless to say, there were many language-based misunderstandings in the beginning (and still are today!). I'll recap a few to give you an idea of the difficulties that I have experienced.

Let me preface these stories with a few more pieces of information. Sometimes the misunderstandings may appear to be language-based but really it is a problem of assumptions being made by people with different cultures. For instance, in America, if you go to your neighbor's house (non-family member), you always wait to be invited in. Even if the person has the door open but is working somewhere inside, you will probably shout and ask permission to enter. Even if you have visited this person multiple times, you still feel that you need permission to enter their home. This shows how much we, as Americans, value our privacy. Well here in the good 'ole campo (countryside) in Panama, the rules seem to be that once that neighbor has invited you to enter once, you can use that open door (literal) as an invitation to enter at any time. So if I am working away at something inside my house and I have the door open to let the breeze in, using my American values I would assume that anyone who comes over would wait for me to get to the door before entering. But I would be very wrong because I would soon see my visitor strolling right in and taking a seat on the chair next to me. So the following stories may not be solely a misunderstanding of language, but also a pre-formed cultural assumption in our minds of how the other person will act in a given situation.

This first example happened just a few days ago. I walked up to a neighbor's house and saw a beautiful new table that someone had made by hand. The legs were intricately carved and the top was smooth and rounded on the corners. The following conversation is what I understood from my end (remember - with my own assumptions at play):
Me: "Who made this beautiful table?"
Lady: "My husband."
Me: "Is it for sell?"
Lady: "Yes."
Me: "How much?"
Lady: "$35."
Me: "I want it but I already have a table top and posts to make my own table."
Lady: "Well my husband can take those pieces and sell you this for $10."
Me: "Sounds like a deal! Tell him to come to my house later to get the pieces."

Later, he comes by and takes the table top, 2 leg posts, and my $10. He says he still needs to paint the table but I tell him I like it unpainted. He says he can bring it to my house in two days.

The following day I decide to round up some neighborhood boys to help me bring the table to my house. I knew it was already finished since I told him not to paint it and us coming to get it would save him the trouble of hauling it to my house. I get to the house and my table isn't there.
Me: "Where is my table?"
Lady: "It's not done yet. My husband told you he would finish it by tomorrow afternoon."
Me: "But it was finished. What else still has to be done?"
Lady: "The legs still have to be carved."
She shows me one of the legs and I realize it is different from the ones on the other table. That's when it clicked and I understood the misunderstanding.
Me: "But what happened to the table that was right here? That's the one I bought."
Lady: "It's at my grandfather's house already."
Me: "So your husband is making me a new table out of the wood that I gave him?"
Lady: "Yes and he is using his own wood too. That's why it's a cheaper price."

Well alright then. Our words weren't matching up because our assumptions were getting in the way. Now I know that no one makes furniture without an order already placed. So if I see a finished piece of furniture, it already belongs to somebody. That's why the wife I was talking to skipped over the fact that the table I was looking at and that I intended to buy was already sold. She didn't specifically say, "he will need to build you a new one" because it was assumed that I realized this. But regardless, now I have a beautiful handcrafted table that only cost about $30 with materials and labor!

There are a lot of assumptions about money that I am still figuring out. The following two stories are examples of differing cultural assumptions of how to handle money.

I brought back some small bags of beads from the city because the women who make jewelry asked for some. As soon as I told one or two people that I had some beads, I quickly realized that the demand was greater than my supply. However, many women did not have the money to pay for them that day. I had the same conversation with two different women.
Lady: "Oh I really need these beads but I don't have the money ($0.30) on me right now. Can I take these and pay you back later?"
Me: "No because I might forget and other women might come who have the money so it is only fair that they have the opportunity to buy."
Lady: "Oh, well can you just set these aside for me and I'll bring you the money tomorrow?"
Me: "No because if someone else comes with money I'm going to sell it to her."
Lady: "Ok." (as she starts to put the bag in her purse)
Me: "No, I'm going to keep these here and when you bring the money, I'll sell it to you if it's still here."

Later that day I end up selling it to someone else. The next day, the same lady comes back and says she has the money to pay for her beads.
Me: "I'm sorry but I already sold them."
Lady: "But I thought you were savings them for me."
Me: "No I said I would sell them to whoever had the money."
Lady: "Oh man I really wanted them."

This story definitely makes me look like the bad guy, but my American mindset is still obviously at work. In my mind, I know there are other women who have the money and are ready to pay on the spot. I don't know for sure if this other woman will have the money tomorrow or even a week from now. My trust level is naturally lower (being an American). Let me tell the other story where I learned more of what was probably going on in the other lady's mind.

I mentioned to one of the ladies in the community that makes artisan goods that I really wanted to buy one of her necklaces for my mom, but I didn't have enough money yet. About a month later, I was visiting at her house and we started talking about the artisan goods fair that she will take her goods to. She asked if I still wanted to buy the necklace and I told her yes but I still don't have enough money saved up. She said that was fine, that I could go ahead and take it with me and pay her later. I told her I didn't know when "later" would be so I would rather her hold onto it so I don't forget about my debt to her. She said it didn't matter whether I paid her next month or next year, I could take it if I wanted to. I convinced her to hold onto it, but I learned a valuable lesson from this exchange.

First of all, they have a lot of trust with on another. It's very common for someone to have a debt outstanding for a long time. I understand this behavior amongst themselves, but I was surprised that they extended the same trust to me. In my mind, I hate having a debt outstanding with them because I understand the opportunity cost of them not having the money. Also, I was raised in a culture where common debt is bad. So the whole idea of me taking her product and not paying for it was against everything my culture teaches.

Secondly, they are a very generous people. They often give without expecting anything in return (especially so with food). I imagine many debts go without being paid (at least in monetary terms) and no one holds grudges about this.

So to go back to the first story, I can understand better why she wanted to take the beads and pay me back later and also why she alternatively suggested I save them for her and she will come back and pay me when she has the money. It's all about confianza (trust) and generosity which I thought I had a lot of until I met these people who appear to be the developers of these concepts. I need to brush up on teachings of generosity in Proverbs 11:25, 22:9, Paul's teachings in 2 Cor 9:6, Jesus' teaching in Luke 6:38, Moses' teaching in Deut 15:7. And to sum it all up, Rom 12:9-21 and 13:9-10.

My last example involves interesting different cultural assumptions that I am still trying to figure out. I often like to walk on the beach for exercise. It just so happens that the beach I like to walk on is home to a male Peace Corps volunter (as well as a community of natives). The conversation usually goes like this as I'm walking towards the beach:
Native: "Where are you going?"
Me: "I'm going to walk on the beach."
Native: "Oh to go see Sili."
Me: "Well no, for exercise. Though I might run into him and chat."

This simple conversation is littered with cultural assumptions and differences! Think about it like this - in the US, if we say we're going to talk a walk down the street, we immediately assume it's for exercise or to get out and enjoy the nice weather, even if I happen to pass a friend's house along the way. In these communities, exercising for the purpose of exercising is not common. Exercising for the purpose of visiting people is common.

Also, this is a great example of how indirect communication breeds a population of sarcastic dirty-minded people. In America, if I were going to see my friend down the street, I would directly say that is my intent. But Panamanians prefer to speak indirectly in order to leave much implied or to the imagination. So when I say I'm going for a walk on the beach, their brains start thinking of all the reasons why I might be taking a walk on the beach, instead of just taking it at face value, that I really am just walking on the beach.

The last cultural assumption I can pull from this is the fact that single young women are very rare. It is assumed that every woman over 20 needs to have a man and children. So the fact that I don't have these leads many women to tease me about going to see Sili in order to fix my problems of not have a man nor children. I don't think the teasing is really serious, but I know the thought crosses their minds. I have told them that I am here to work (not to find a husband and get pregnant) and Sili has a girlfriend who has visited our communities and met many people. All of this is just head knowledge though. From their understanding of the way life works, a woman's role is to keep house and have babies and just because a man has a woman in one community doesn't mean he isn't sleeping with a woman in another community (especially if it is in another country!). So they just absolutely can't understand singleness nor fidelity.

Gringo Logic

We were taught the term "gringo logic" during training by some current Peace Corps Volunteers. Gringo logic can be defined as a particular branch of reasoning or argumentation derived from Americans. Unfortunately, gringo logic does not work well in Panama. Let's review some examples:

1. A women's group wants to form a co-operative tienda in their small community to enable their families to purchase goods in their own village rather than walking 30 minutes to the closest tienda. However, the women have very limited education and they have no business knowledge in order to manage a co-operative and tienda. Luckily, another women's group 45-minutes away started a co-operative and tienda in the same manner. They have been extremely successful after only 2 years in business, doubling the size of their store and, in turn, doubling their profits. After much encouragement and pulling-of-teeth, two younger members of the directiva (advisory board) agreed to go meet with the successful co-operative to learn some best practices.
2. A prominant member of the community has been accused of stealing and dealing in bad business practices multiple times. He was caught-in-the-act many of these times. No one has every confronted him to let him know that this is a problem and the police will be called if it happens again.
3. A woman is giving birth at her home. She has hired a midwife to assist her rather than walking 5 minutes to the free doctor. The baby is born healthy, but begins choking upon taking it's first breaths. The baby sadly ends up dying because the midwife does not know rescue breathing or CPR.
4. Tropical farms stretch the mountain sides. The weather and soil is very healthy for growing a variety of fruits and vegetables for a healthy nutritious diet. However, only about 5 different root vegetables are grown and 4 different fruits. Crops are planted haphazardly and are only tended to a few times a week at most. Miles and miles of land are like this.
5. You are in a community meeting with natives to discuss the land that you need to build your house on. The natives insist on speaking their language (which you don't understand) stating that some members present do not understand Spanish well enough. This meeting carries on for hours and not once are you briefed in what is being discussed. At the end, you are told the decision and asked if you are happy about it (it luckily ends up being what you wanted out of the four options).
6. Everyone throws candy wrappers and plastic cookie packing on the ground. Once a week (or so) community members have a clean up crew that picks all this up. Trash can anyone?
7. You are in a boat that is about to leave for an hour-and-a-half trip. It is 6am. Everyone knows that the boat leaves at 6am. We have loaded up the boat with as many people as there are comfortable seats (comfortable in Panama means very tight and close together). There are at least 12 people on this little lancha (fiberglass boat, not sure of the dimensions but I would say medium-sized). As it is in Panama, we have some late arrivers. We wait at the dock for at least 10 minutes as some people in the boat shout, "Esta llena! Vamos!" (We're full, let's go) The boat driver ignores this and continues to wait as more people keep coming. Eventually, the driver decides it's time to go. At this point, 2 people wedge into the front seat of the boat (now packed with 5 people, one person sitting on another's lap) and 2 people sit on the cargo in front of me. Apparently these people were not going to miss this boat and they didn't mind an uncomfortable 1.5 hour ride crammed like sardines or sitting on jagged cargo.

Just a few examples where you want to go, "WTF?!?" I'm not nearly as surprised at seemingly odd occurances as I used to be. The culture is really settling in on me. I just look at the situation, shake my head, and say, "Que va?" (meaning "what are you going to do")

Mi Casa

My house is finally done! This was the most stressful project of the past 3 months. I learned a lot about my community from the whole process. I know who to work with, who I can trust, who is motivated, who is lazy. I especially learned that my community needs help with organization, planning, and communication.

How thankful I am to finally have my own place. I can shut my door and be completely alone! What a concept! Privacy is never acheived in host family homes. There is always someone around. Cooking my own food, arranging all of my things on shelves instead of having them in bags, showcasing artwork and pictures and letters. Oh the joy of home ownership! This is actually the first time in my life living by myself. And it's the first time living in a home that I built too. Pretty cool feeling I must say.

Quick story from the day I moved in - huge killer ants decided to move in too! Only hours after I had moved all of my belongings into my house and had finished unpacking my kitchen, a friend who was visiting spotted the creatures rapidly advancing up my walls and towards my kitchen table. "What do I do? How do I get rid of them?" I asked worriedly. "Pour hot water on them," she replied. "Hot water? How am I supposed to get hot water fast enough?" I figured cold water was better than nothing. My friend was as cool as a cucumber as I was frantically running around filling up my water bucket and dousing the floor and walls with water. This helped slow them down, but they just started coming in from other directions. I had lost the battle.

Let me tell you that I really really hate ants. They give me the hee-bee gee-bees. Like real bad. So I kinda sorta broke out into a little panic attack. Tears started rolling down and I didn't even care. I had to move fast so there was no time to be embarrassed. Using my newly developed yoga breathing techniques, I calmed myself down enough to enter the house and pack up my most important belongings (I was planning on leaving site the next morning anyway). I locked everything up and ran to the host family's house that I had been living in during February.

I was fuming mad at those stupid ants. How dare they! I learned from neighbors that they come from the fincas and invade for a few hours. Then they leave. Just as quietly as they came. They go through all the houses and then take off. So mine wasn't the only one infested.

I went back to my house a few hours later and sure enough, they were gone. I did some more unpacking, had more visitors, and finally called it a night.

I woke up the next morning at 5am in order to catch the boat out of site. I switched on my flashlight and took a quick glance around the room. What do I see but those damned ants swarming my kitchen table! Now I told you they give me the hee-bee gee-bees so I only got a quick look, but it literally looked like a pile of them on top of something on my kitchen table. The spot where they were was completely clean the night before. My biggest fear is that there was a rat or something on my table and the ants came in and killed it right there on top of my table. So now I'm going to come back and have an ant-eaten dead rat on my table. Gosh, wouldn't that just be awful.

Anyway, the ants thankfully weren't on my platform where my mattress is. I had to run around the room grabbing my traveling items with only my flashlight to guide my path. Even though I was avoiding stepping near them, they somehow would end up on my flip flop and biting my feet. Oh it hurt and made me so angry! I didn't have time to brush my teeth nor wash my face. It was just a miserable morning to say the least.

Now I'm well equipped with ant killer and methods to take them out. They won't be coming back, I can assure you.

Panama: My 6-Month Update

Ñan törö dere! Mä boa ño?

That's some of the indiginous language I have been learning. It means "Good Afternoon! How are you?" The indios (indians) are very passionate about their language and they love teaching it to extranjeros(foreigners). They are fully confident that I will become fluent in Ngäbere before I leave. I'm not as confident since I already have my hands full learning Spanish! But I have picked up some basic conversation, so I am learning chi biti chi (little by little).

 

It's amazing that I have now been in Panama for 6 months. Time is flying by for me! I wanted to give everyone a quick update of how I am doing and what I have been doing. It's tough to keep in touch without having a computer or post office in my community, so an email every 6 months is my best shot.

 

First of all, I am doing great! Panama is an extraordinary country and I have really grown to love the people and the culture here. I am living a life very different from what I had in the United States, but I am embracing it for the 2 years that I am here. There are certain things I miss about home, mainly no bugs and English! But I am accustomed to my new home and can't imagine being anywhere else right now.

 

The Peace Corps experience is so much more than I expected. I came thinking I would be teaching small business owners about basic business skills, but my community doesn't even understand how to use a proper accounting ledger. They don't understand how to save their money for future expenses or purchases. What I am really learning are soft skills, people skills, facilitation techniques, how to work amongst a small group of people who are unsure of my capabilities. All important things that will serve me well in the future no matter what field I go into.

 

I encourage you to read about my adventures on my blogwww.learnlovegive.blogspot.com. My pictures are uploaded to Facebook.

 

A few people have asked about care packages. Here is a list of items that are appreciated and the address to which they should be sent:

 

Mary Beth Strawn

Entrega General

David, Chiriqui 17401

Republica de Panamá

 

- Maps of the world, countries, cities, etc. I love maps!
- Magazines (fashion, home and garden, arts and crafts)
- American candy for the kids
- Puzzles for the kids
- Random fabric, ribbon, and buttons to use to decorate my home (curtains, pillows, etc.)
- Books (English and Spanish)
- Antibacterial gel

- Candles (especially citronella)

- Peanut butter, chocolate, granola, nuts, dried fruit

- Random antique finds like candle holders (for the tall skinny candles), dishes, trinkets (I love antiques...)

 

Also, a few people have asked how they can support my community. There will be opportunities in the future once my projects are under way. I am meeting with the community now to determine which projects are most feasible and which I can best help them with. I will keep you updated! Thank you for your support!

 

Please also continue to pray for me and my community as we work together to improve their lives.

 

With all my love and appreciation for each and every one of you,

Mary Beth